My plan sucks!  What's the rule on do-overs?  Will you check and get back to me on that, thanks.

Your grandson called to say that he left his white shirt for church here at the house.  Tomorrow's the Youth Cultural Program in Laie.  They just got back from their final dress rehersal before tomorrow's performance and he calls NOW to say that he left his shirt here.  Do you see what time it is?  That kid!  Oh well, I better head on out cause it's late and I don't want him to be up any later than he needs to be.  Tomorrow's going to be a busy day.

The rains finally came.

Sometimes I wonder if you're looking down on me?  I can almost hear you say, "I'll pray for you."  I hope you are, because I've been lacking in prayers.  It would be so easy to just . . . but that would be so heartbreaking for you and mom.  I know.  I'll try to be better.  I promise.

How did you do it?  How did you feed us, cloth us, keep a roof over our heads, take us on vacations, take us to the beach, pile us all in 'Old Blue' and take us to footballs games, family picnics, birthday dinners, rush us to the ER when we were sick, keep us safe, keep us grounded in family, keep us loving mom, keep us together?

I'm curious . . . because I can't seem to keep my two feet firmly planted on the ground, get my bills paid, finish college, stay in contact with the family, take care of mom the way you want me to, save money, be prepaid for the future, and a whole bunch of other things.

Do you know what I miss the most?  It's walking through the door, turning down the hallway, hear  you call my name and when I stand in the doorway of your room you ask, "What's wrong?"  Immediately I'm wondering 'how did you know?' 

The stubborn rebel within me would never want to admit a weakness, but the child within me can't help but want to unburden myself; to lay my problems down.  How I long for such moments again.  Especially now.

Everywhere I turn I am met with decisions that I just don't want to be responsible for, people that I don't know if I should help or walk away from, events that appear to be overwhelming, but they may just be obstacles that I must overcome.

If tonight I close my eyes, and listen very intently will you whisper across the universe and ask, "What's wrong?" Then with a look and intensity that you know so well, I would say, "Oh dad, what isn't wrong?" And then I would will the universe to allow you to answer me.

I await your response.